Get Ready For Season 4 of The Hills!

Get Ready For Season 4 of The Hills!

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Unshared Memories

Looking back on the places I’ve been
I get caught up on the details of when
When was it that we first stepped apart?
When was the first ache of the heart?
Do we both trace our paths to the same place?
Do we both agree on our tumble from grace?

Alone in my thoughts, but you by my side
I now begin to accept what was first denied.
Love was gone, you had simply lied
Hoping the deceit would stem tears yet to be cried.

The fond recollections of what we shared
Seemingly evaporated into thin air
Was it just me who took note of the joys,
Holding fast to memories you never employed.
Do I unravel, do I dare
Accept what I treasured were things that you didn’t care.

Kisses and hugs and moments I recall the best
Could they really have been to you, no more or no less?
Stumbling upon memories I treasure when I find,
It amazes me that you paid those moments no mind.

Seeing now why we did part
So empty were you, your mind and your heart.
Nor will I bother to waste my energies
I’ll keep to myself our unshared memories.

it's good to be family!

TAVARES, Florida (AP) -- A couple tried to hire a hit man to kill their three grandchildren and daughter-in-law to stop them from testifying against their son in his rape trial, authorities said.

The couple, ages 60 and 59, were charged with four counts each of criminal conspiracy to commit murder. They were being held without bond.
Police said the pair initially offered $100 to an undercover sheriff's deputy to kill their son's wife, their 10-year-old granddaughter, two step-grandchildren, ages 14 and 16, and the family dog.

Ah, ain't life grand...if you can't love the one your with (or molest them and try to get away with it) maybe you can have your folks off them! "Daddy, I'm a bit too drunk and lazy to kill them nuisances, do ya think you and mom would do it for me? I'll throw a hundred bucks in it for your trouble...and don't forget to get that damn annoying dog too! Just don't get any blood on my lazyboy recliner! And, if mom drinks my beer make sure she refills the frig!" "Oh yeah, what we gonna have for supper Sunday after church- and don't say dog!"

Taking the Christ out of Christian

Holdiay Party...Yuletide Cheer...whatever!

I try not to get too involved in religious issues, but I just couldn't hold back when I saw the latest Christmas/Christian flap. Sure we can bicker about a "Holiday Tree" versus a "Christmas Tree" and taking Christ out of Christmas, (which, far be it for me to give advice, but I believe everyone's holiday would be a little nicer if we just could celebrate Christmas without having to deal with religion! Maybe if we picked some time in March it might be a better month to select a day dedicated to religious bickering over brandy and that nasty fruitcake that no one has yet dared to eat, or throw away) but what happens when Christians decide to take a holiday on THE Holy-day?

It appears several mega-churches are closing their doors this Christmas Sunday so people can be home with family. Since when has Christmas been about family? Christmas is about arguing, egg nog, and ill-fitting sweaters and too many pairs of socks! Since when does the holy day become a business inconvenience to a business that is all about celbrating that holy day???

It seems that any of those people who support a church that decides it needs to be closed on this Christmas Sunday ought to be taken away to some manger and beat senseless with a stocking filled with coal and then thrown to the lions!

Let me get this right, we are in the business of the lord, but on the day of the lord's birth, we shut down our normal "open house"policy so we can celebrate with family...
it just seems like these are the folks who are taking Christ out of Christmas!

What would Tom Cruise do?

Let's just thank L. Ron Hubbard that Tom Cruise is not a Federal Marshal!

What would Tom "med's are for whimps!" Cruise have done if he was at the Miami airport and had a crazy man come running after him with a possible explosive hidden in his backpack? Yes, the wife was screaming that the guy was off of his meds, but Would Tom Have Cared (WTHC)?

I know he might have inquired to see if a Minority Report had been issued, but heck...if people can't handle reality without meds, shouldn't they be shot? Show no mercy...isn't that part of Scientology according to Tom? Good thing that man's wife wasn't pregnant or going through postparteum depression! Tom might have slapped her sillier than those evil aliens in War of the Worlds!

I can't confirm if the man killed had a Brooke Shields shirt on, but it would have been a bullseye for Tommy!

Oh well, saving the world only to deliver it into the hands of Scientology...isn't that Mission Impossible?

the most "wonderful" time of the year!

Yes, its time to celebrate THE season that makes everyone fussy and cranky...I'd say Christmas, but that's not allowed anymore, unless you live at Jessica Simpson's house and her dad is around (ex-minister that he is)...then it's okay; but I am sure she's not celebrating too much this year...guess she'll be stuck listening to her sister caterwail through "Blue Christmas". I'm thinking K-A-R-M-A has arrived just in time for a "Simpson Christmas Special"!

Getting back on track...I'm not sure what makes yuletide different from any other time of the year, because in general, people can be quite annoying. But it just seems right to be even more annoying during the holidays (maybe it has something to do with family visits? or is it because of all them long lines at the stores which forces you to take a few minutes to pause, while you wait to be helped, and notice whats going on around you and how crazy people are if you stop and watch them).

What drives me nuts? I just realized how annoying those button pushers can be...and you know what I mean...it can be waiting at a crosswalk, or riding an elevator, or being at any other service which requires someone to push a button and then wait for a response. You just get these people who think "if hitting it once is good, then 20 times must be better", or, "maybe I didn't push the elevator button hard enough..."or, even better, "maybe these four other people standing here already waiting didn't hit it hard enough". Just yesterday I was on an elevator going down...(sounds like an Aerosmith song, huh?) a guy gets on from floor 2, clarifies that it is going down and then proceeds to hit the already lit, ground floor button 4 times. Did he really need to hit the ground button 4 times? Did he think that we (2 other people enjoying the ride) weren't smart enough to hit the down button? Or, and this is what annoyed me the most...where in the heck did he think the elevator was going to go? He knew it was down, and he was on floor 2...only one last stop to make...Hell. Well, I mean, if none of us thought to hit the ground floor button. Thank God he got on and saved us!

Ah...bring on the holidays!

Bob Geldolf takes on Hollywood

This afternoon it was announced that the next famine relief project that Sir Bob Geldolf will lend his support to is none other than the skinny bitches of Hollywood, CA..

Negotiations are in the final stages which, when agreed to, will permit likenesses of Nicole Richie to be used as the mascot for this fundraiser. But, due to contractual and petty differences, no footage from "The Simple Life 4: Ho's on the Highway" that shows Paris Hilton eating or contemplating a meal will be admissable for video clips. Any clip that shows her at the scene of an auto accident (probably caused by Linsey Lohan) will be immediately posted onto the internet, tho.

It's rumored that Bono will be penning the theme song to this charity.

Sadly, neither philanthropist realizes that regardless of their work in Hollywood, they will not be able to be nominated for an Academy Award, no matter how well they make it look like they care about these skinny broads. But, if Mother Theresa could win a Peace Prize for working with the down and out of India, maybe this made for primetime special might be the nudge it takes to get these two musicans a spot on NBC's Thursday night line-up. The special couldn't be worse than "Joey".

This years charity theme is, "do i make you look fat?"

The "I Hate Terrell Owens" Club

Wow, gotta packed (NOT Packer) room here tonight....

Seems like someone must be stepping all over NFL fans last nerve- usually I would have a saved an opening like that for somene like Bill Romanowski, but hey, Bill's so jacked up on whatever anyone will hand him, he's made Whitney Houston seem sober and that just scares the bejesuz out of me, so there's no telling what he might do to me if I get him into a 'roid rage (the other roid rage, that is....not just the flare up kind, but, come to think of it, he is a pain in the ass) so I will not call him names, or spit on him, or try to kill him, or purposefully (Auntie) maim him.

Ooopss, I majored in Digression 201...advanced divergent thinking...back to T.O.

I don't get where any team would want to sign this obstreperous soul...but hey, if that's what floats some owner's boat, so be it, just don't put us fans in the role of playing tug boat when your T.O. escapade turns into the Poseidon Misadventure. He's acted worse the Gilligan and Gopher combined, and yet for some strange reason, there are people out there who think he should captain their teams destiny..."Ahoy there matey....Titanic dead ahead..."

TO gets my vote for the best reenactment for "the Wreck of the Edmunds Fitzgerald"...
that puppy sank and she ain't been brought back up...

The ESP-iNsipid Zone

What form of punishmenet is being placed at the feet of early morning risers?

Fine that not all of you enjoy the "dawn (of the dead) zone" of the day, that time that occurs before the sun has finished hitting the snooze button and has begun to shine. But, for those that do, and need that little nudge of TV to keep us awake on the elliptical machine (it's not pretty what can happen when you fall asleep on one...) ESPN has just gone and decided to make me want to crawl right back into bed and hope the telecast nightmare is over. Who in their right mind wants to watch a "simulated clubhouse meeting"? YAWN!!! Isn't that what C-SPAN is for?
if it were comical, satirical, or downright raunchy, it might be one thing, but to watch faux baseball managers holding faux press meeting...STOOOOOOPID! Why not just have someone reading the rosters of each professional sports league team.... or the menu from the local chinese fast food delivery joint? That would be about as engaging!

I thought the morning time was the time set aside for infomercials. I once hated them, but now seeing the competetion, I am all about The Home Shopping Network if it supplants this crap!

Now I know where the expression, "I want my MTV" came from....

Elections 2005

Given the overwhelming popularity of W. right now, Crystal Gayle will be singing the theme song to election 2005 coverage, "Don't it turn my red states blue". Arnold will be in the choir as he watches his agenda items fall to the wayside and become terminated.