Dabblings with Evans

Get Ready For Season 4 of The Hills!

2008-07-22T12:04:00.001-04:00

Get Ready For Season 4 of The Hills!

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Unshared Memories

2006-09-07T15:37:00.000-04:00

Looking back on the places I’ve been
I get caught up on the details of when
When was it that we first stepped apart?
When was the first ache of the heart?
Do we both trace our paths to the same place?
Do we both agree on our tumble from grace?

Alone in my thoughts, but you by my side
I now begin to accept what was first denied.
Love was gone, you had simply lied
Hoping the deceit would stem tears yet to be cried.

The fond recollections of what we shared
Seemingly evaporated into thin air
Was it just me who took note of the joys,
Holding fast to memories you never employed.
Do I unravel, do I dare
Accept what I treasured were things that you didn’t care.

Kisses and hugs and moments I recall the best
Could they really have been to you, no more or no less?
Stumbling upon memories I treasure when I find,
It amazes me that you paid those moments no mind.

Seeing now why we did part
So empty were you, your mind and your heart.
Nor will I bother to waste my energies
I’ll keep to myself our unshared memories.

it's good to be family!

2006-06-02T15:20:00.000-04:00

TAVARES, Florida (AP) -- A couple tried to hire a hit man to kill their three grandchildren and daughter-in-law to stop them from testifying against their son in his rape trial, authorities said.

The couple, ages 60 and 59, were charged with four counts each of criminal conspiracy to commit murder. They were being held without bond.
Police said the pair initially offered $100 to an undercover sheriff's deputy to kill their son's wife, their 10-year-old granddaughter, two step-grandchildren, ages 14 and 16, and the family dog.

Ah, ain't life grand...if you can't love the one your with (or molest them and try to get away with it) maybe you can have your folks off them! "Daddy, I'm a bit too drunk and lazy to kill them nuisances, do ya think you and mom would do it for me? I'll throw a hundred bucks in it for your trouble...and don't forget to get that damn annoying dog too! Just don't get any blood on my lazyboy recliner! And, if mom drinks my beer make sure she refills the frig!" "Oh yeah, what we gonna have for supper Sunday after church- and don't say dog!"

Taking the Christ out of Christian

2005-12-08T18:12:00.000-05:00

Holdiay Party...Yuletide Cheer...whatever!

I try not to get too involved in religious issues, but I just couldn't hold back when I saw the latest Christmas/Christian flap. Sure we can bicker about a "Holiday Tree" versus a "Christmas Tree" and taking Christ out of Christmas, (which, far be it for me to give advice, but I believe everyone's holiday would be a little nicer if we just could celebrate Christmas without having to deal with religion! Maybe if we picked some time in March it might be a better month to select a day dedicated to religious bickering over brandy and that nasty fruitcake that no one has yet dared to eat, or throw away) but what happens when Christians decide to take a holiday on THE Holy-day?

It appears several mega-churches are closing their doors this Christmas Sunday so people can be home with family. Since when has Christmas been about family? Christmas is about arguing, egg nog, and ill-fitting sweaters and too many pairs of socks! Since when does the holy day become a business inconvenience to a business that is all about celbrating that holy day???

It seems that any of those people who support a church that decides it needs to be closed on this Christmas Sunday ought to be taken away to some manger and beat senseless with a stocking filled with coal and then thrown to the lions!

Let me get this right, we are in the business of the lord, but on the day of the lord's birth, we shut down our normal "open house"policy so we can celebrate with family...
it just seems like these are the folks who are taking Christ out of Christmas!

What would Tom Cruise do?

2005-12-08T18:05:00.000-05:00

Let's just thank L. Ron Hubbard that Tom Cruise is not a Federal Marshal!

What would Tom "med's are for whimps!" Cruise have done if he was at the Miami airport and had a crazy man come running after him with a possible explosive hidden in his backpack? Yes, the wife was screaming that the guy was off of his meds, but Would Tom Have Cared (WTHC)?

I know he might have inquired to see if a Minority Report had been issued, but heck...if people can't handle reality without meds, shouldn't they be shot? Show no mercy...isn't that part of Scientology according to Tom? Good thing that man's wife wasn't pregnant or going through postparteum depression! Tom might have slapped her sillier than those evil aliens in War of the Worlds!

I can't confirm if the man killed had a Brooke Shields shirt on, but it would have been a bullseye for Tommy!

Oh well, saving the world only to deliver it into the hands of Scientology...isn't that Mission Impossible?

the most "wonderful" time of the year!

2005-12-02T15:06:00.000-05:00

Yes, its time to celebrate THE season that makes everyone fussy and cranky...I'd say Christmas, but that's not allowed anymore, unless you live at Jessica Simpson's house and her dad is around (ex-minister that he is)...then it's okay; but I am sure she's not celebrating too much this year...guess she'll be stuck listening to her sister caterwail through "Blue Christmas". I'm thinking K-A-R-M-A has arrived just in time for a "Simpson Christmas Special"!

Getting back on track...I'm not sure what makes yuletide different from any other time of the year, because in general, people can be quite annoying. But it just seems right to be even more annoying during the holidays (maybe it has something to do with family visits? or is it because of all them long lines at the stores which forces you to take a few minutes to pause, while you wait to be helped, and notice whats going on around you and how crazy people are if you stop and watch them).

What drives me nuts? I just realized how annoying those button pushers can be...and you know what I mean...it can be waiting at a crosswalk, or riding an elevator, or being at any other service which requires someone to push a button and then wait for a response. You just get these people who think "if hitting it once is good, then 20 times must be better", or, "maybe I didn't push the elevator button hard enough..."or, even better, "maybe these four other people standing here already waiting didn't hit it hard enough". Just yesterday I was on an elevator going down...(sounds like an Aerosmith song, huh?) a guy gets on from floor 2, clarifies that it is going down and then proceeds to hit the already lit, ground floor button 4 times. Did he really need to hit the ground button 4 times? Did he think that we (2 other people enjoying the ride) weren't smart enough to hit the down button? Or, and this is what annoyed me the most...where in the heck did he think the elevator was going to go? He knew it was down, and he was on floor 2...only one last stop to make...Hell. Well, I mean, if none of us thought to hit the ground floor button. Thank God he got on and saved us!

Ah...bring on the holidays!

Bob Geldolf takes on Hollywood

2005-11-10T21:43:00.000-05:00

This afternoon it was announced that the next famine relief project that Sir Bob Geldolf will lend his support to is none other than the skinny bitches of Hollywood, CA..

Negotiations are in the final stages which, when agreed to, will permit likenesses of Nicole Richie to be used as the mascot for this fundraiser. But, due to contractual and petty differences, no footage from "The Simple Life 4: Ho's on the Highway" that shows Paris Hilton eating or contemplating a meal will be admissable for video clips. Any clip that shows her at the scene of an auto accident (probably caused by Linsey Lohan) will be immediately posted onto the internet, tho.

It's rumored that Bono will be penning the theme song to this charity.

Sadly, neither philanthropist realizes that regardless of their work in Hollywood, they will not be able to be nominated for an Academy Award, no matter how well they make it look like they care about these skinny broads. But, if Mother Theresa could win a Peace Prize for working with the down and out of India, maybe this made for primetime special might be the nudge it takes to get these two musicans a spot on NBC's Thursday night line-up. The special couldn't be worse than "Joey".

This years charity theme is, "do i make you look fat?"

The "I Hate Terrell Owens" Club

2005-11-10T19:18:00.000-05:00

Wow, gotta packed (NOT Packer) room here tonight....

Seems like someone must be stepping all over NFL fans last nerve- usually I would have a saved an opening like that for somene like Bill Romanowski, but hey, Bill's so jacked up on whatever anyone will hand him, he's made Whitney Houston seem sober and that just scares the bejesuz out of me, so there's no telling what he might do to me if I get him into a 'roid rage (the other roid rage, that is....not just the flare up kind, but, come to think of it, he is a pain in the ass) so I will not call him names, or spit on him, or try to kill him, or purposefully (Auntie) maim him.

Ooopss, I majored in Digression 201...advanced divergent thinking...back to T.O.

I don't get where any team would want to sign this obstreperous soul...but hey, if that's what floats some owner's boat, so be it, just don't put us fans in the role of playing tug boat when your T.O. escapade turns into the Poseidon Misadventure. He's acted worse the Gilligan and Gopher combined, and yet for some strange reason, there are people out there who think he should captain their teams destiny..."Ahoy there matey....Titanic dead ahead..."

TO gets my vote for the best reenactment for "the Wreck of the Edmunds Fitzgerald"...
that puppy sank and she ain't been brought back up...

The ESP-iNsipid Zone

2005-11-10T11:22:00.000-05:00

What form of punishmenet is being placed at the feet of early morning risers?

Fine that not all of you enjoy the "dawn (of the dead) zone" of the day, that time that occurs before the sun has finished hitting the snooze button and has begun to shine. But, for those that do, and need that little nudge of TV to keep us awake on the elliptical machine (it's not pretty what can happen when you fall asleep on one...) ESPN has just gone and decided to make me want to crawl right back into bed and hope the telecast nightmare is over. Who in their right mind wants to watch a "simulated clubhouse meeting"? YAWN!!! Isn't that what C-SPAN is for?
if it were comical, satirical, or downright raunchy, it might be one thing, but to watch faux baseball managers holding faux press meeting...STOOOOOOPID! Why not just have someone reading the rosters of each professional sports league team.... or the menu from the local chinese fast food delivery joint? That would be about as engaging!

I thought the morning time was the time set aside for infomercials. I once hated them, but now seeing the competetion, I am all about The Home Shopping Network if it supplants this crap!

Now I know where the expression, "I want my MTV" came from....

Elections 2005

2005-11-08T19:07:00.000-05:00

Given the overwhelming popularity of W. right now, Crystal Gayle will be singing the theme song to election 2005 coverage, "Don't it turn my red states blue". Arnold will be in the choir as he watches his agenda items fall to the wayside and become terminated.

Devil's Tears

2005-10-21T05:50:00.000-04:00

Tears of the devil we continued to imbide
Loosing our tongues
reducing our lies
speaking those truths usually hidden by fright
tellling things that just didn't seem right

admitting that what's happening is no delight
tired and worn
from bitter, overblown fights

show me more to prove what you say
or leave me alone
just go away
i'll be fine in a matter of days

there's no love in this place
there's no smile on eithers face
time and distance and much space
worked their magic turning love to disgrace

nothing but anger simmers today
did it have to end this way?
former love now just slow decay
rooted from the others act that betrayed

the act of neglect and indifference
the posturing of what do you care
the reality of you rarely being there
makes you wonder was anything , anything, really ever there

matchstick romance

2005-08-11T15:56:00.000-04:00

the heart, by nature
is foolishly unwise.
it follows emotions
before it can realize
the faulty foundation
seemingly disguised
as something more stabile
than matchsticks and lies-
easy to tumble
right before your eyes

three's a crowd

2005-07-24T09:30:00.000-04:00

loving one can be so fulfilling
riding it out to a happy ending

but evermore is nevermore
when the one you love doesn't love you back.

the love is given all around-
just not to you and so you suffer
hoping it might return to you-
foolishly denying the two are through.

three's a crowd, sad and true,
but how ironic is it when everyone else trumps you?
The one you love just looks past
all you ever gave to make it last

in a large crowd with egg on your face
knowing anyone else can easily take your place
never drawn in to be the best friend-

turn and leave

the end.

The Tipping Point

2005-07-06T19:44:00.000-04:00

***how little things can make a big difference***

when does nothing turn into something?
when does silence turn into a form of violence?
when does caring create caution?
when does sharing turn into secrecy?
when does honesty turn into a flaw?
when does structure turn into entrapment?
when does the pedestal turn into the hangman's gallow?
when does protecting turn into hurting?
when does love turn into loathing?
when does the weight of words break the hopes of another?
when does loving turn into letting go?

what is the tipping point?

Foolish Heart

2005-07-06T04:37:00.000-04:00

My foolish heart was betrayed by love
Now I'm in it and all alone.
Level-headed I took love in stride
Not expecting in time I'd be denied.
I learned how to hold and kiss you
Created dreams with you in mind.
Now I am trying to learn not to miss you-
I'm not yours and you're no longer mine.
I'm left trying to find me, somewhere inside-
Atleast I know in my heart that I tried.

In time...

2005-07-05T13:23:00.000-04:00

I'll be alright in a little while,
Give me some time, I'll reclaim my smile.
I'm walking alone down a road I thought I'd share
I'd imagined a life with you standing there.

But now I must head in a new direction
After some downtime and pause for reflection.

I'll find my footing on uneven ground
Adjusting to you not being around.
Reclaiming my balance will take work
As I negotiate the spaces where emotions still lurk.

In time things will right again
when my smile is genuine,
not just masking pain.

When will I see you again?

2005-06-19T13:14:00.000-04:00

When will I see you again?
How long does it take a broken heart to mend?
When can we be in the same room,
Now that we are no longer in bloom?

How long will it take for the feelings to fade?
That over two years, you and I made?
Will it take too long, or slip by too soon
How fast will a heart heal, broken in June?

How will we act when we next meet,
If you look in my eyes, will you my defeat?
When the time comes to see you again
Could we evolve to just being friends?

I can't act like I really don't care
Or have no interest in who's with you there.
There are no answers for what the future holds
Nor can i guess how my life will unfold

I just wonder, like I began, simply curious
when will I see you again?

I've Got to Go

2005-06-18T04:06:00.000-04:00

I faced the challenge I had most dread
Coming not from the heart,
But speaking from the head.
Saying the words I hoped not to speak,
But for too long I was too meek.

My heart had tied my tongue tight
Holding back my moving ahead
By following it instead of my head.
I stayed too long- wishing for the best
Willing to keep hope alive in my chest.

"I've got to go now" was all I could get out-
Besides the tears which tumbled about.
I hesitated at the elevator, hoping you'd come-
But fear of me still waiting helped me get on.
I know there was love, don't get me wrong
But the "being in love" had long since gone.

Peace and sadness are an unlikely pair;
Yet both reside in my emotional state.
I finally have the answer for so long I sought
Unfortunately the response was simply, "I do not".
Peace now comes in the form of knowing,
Sadness abounds for my love is now going...

I held it together until I got home,
Then let it out, all on my own.
All on my own, once again
I did not wish for this love to end.

Fly

2005-06-17T15:09:00.000-04:00

If you must Fly,
Fly my friend, fly.
Set your sights,
aim for the sky.

If you feel restrained,
Question what causes you to be contained.

Feeling the need to get out and fly?
Can you answer the simple question-
Why?

The Weight of the Word

2005-06-14T03:00:00.000-04:00

Words gain weight the longer you take to speak them.
Over time, I find, they accumulate at such a rate that I can no longer lift them.
It's the words you don't say that push me away.
If you can't say it- I won't play it.
I've been defeated by dead air,
No words left dangling there.

How much would you say is the weight of a word that's never heard?
How long did you think we'd last when the word never comes to pass?
Unspoken; we are broken,
Beaten by the silence.

How much, again, would you say was the weight of a word?
Heavy enough to break a heart
Strong enough to rip emotions apart
A word, a simple word, wherefore art?

unknown heart

2005-05-25T10:48:00.000-04:00

Wy is it that that which we hold closest is what we know so little about?
We can chart the world-
yet fail to grasp a map of the heart.

No mystery is as challenging,
stimulating emotions so deep,
more daunting than Pandora's Box
the secrets it keeps

As a breeze shifts the sails of a boat
its direction, too changes, as it floats
where lies the rudder or mast
that directs the heart's emotions to change so fast?

why is taking hold the wheel such an unlikely task
when it would steer me to calm waters-
is peace of mind too much to ask?

I can wander the world and rarely get lost
so why can't I know my heart-
why can't I become its boss?

Lost

2005-05-24T15:19:00.000-04:00

I keep holding on because I believe in the fight.
There are times when I doubt that my heart knows what's right.
Why is it that when it counts the most we often choke.
Why can't what lies just beneath the surface ever spring forth and
be heard. Why is it so hard to simply utter the right words.

Am I clinging to what's known because it is safe?
If I opened my hands and heart to see what else might await,
Is the fear that the darkness would find me alone
cause enough to halt the attempt?
Or are the lingering doubts of "what is" already time foolishly spent?

When I forget to dream, have I forgotten about life?
Does it mean I have relinquished my time to those other than me;
Since I have stopped thinking for me of what may come to be?
Daring to dream at someone elses loss-
Will dreaming always create an underlying cost?

Life now seems measured by smiles and tears
Accumulated over the vast number of years
Pleasure and pain have the same scale
For there are those who win, and those who fail.

And so it comes back to the question at hand
Who will judge our lives and by what criteria
Are we doomed if we stay beyond our given season
If we only stay for no real reason?

Cardinals in the See

2005-04-10T21:31:00.000-04:00

118 Cardinals sitting in the See
Debating who the next Pop should be
One grew ill and couldn't come to College
So only 117 votes will be acknowledged

The Romans want it back and are willing to fight
But religious men fighting doesn't seem right
Unless you go back centuries and decades
When they were wrapped up in the crusades

Will they choose a Latin or a Hispanic, who can tell
Is there even a diffenence? Someone go ask Dan Quayle.
Doing what's good for the church is all that matters
Especially if it bumps their numbers a wee bit fatter!

Conclave starts in just a few days-some are getting tense
You'll never hear that from the Cardinals-it'd break the vow of silence
In the end whomever is chosen to reign can't be wrong
If the over 1 billion Catholics served keeps their donations going strong!

Thump in the Night

2005-03-09T13:45:00.000-05:00

Maundering shapes all about the night.
Children awake! Full of fright!
What lurks just beyond their line of sight?
What keeps kids demanding to "leave on the light!"

Beneath the bed lurks the fear
Inside the closet, it's breath they hear!
Toe nails scrapping, the noise it nears!
Little children about in tears!

Hush! Now rest! It's just the wind!
Their fanciful imaginations kicking in.
Parents retreat back to the Den.
Another long night for children begins...
As the bumps, creaks, and noises start all over again

Soul Searching

2005-02-22T17:46:00.000-05:00

The soul kept searching through the smoke and clouds,
"I know I shall find what I seek.
I'll just give sometime to let all this settle
and when the smoke clears I will see it.
I know it is near."

After a few days, the air still thick with smoke,
the soul pulled up a chair and continued to rest.
"It's still too hard to see, so I will not venture in there.
Have no fear," It said to itself, "time is our friend
There is no need for despair."

By the end of the week there remained a faint haze in the air,
Not quite so smoggy, but the soul didn't care.
I am actually quite ok where I am.
I've waited and now I'm afraid I can't recall what I was seeking to find,
But that is ok, nevermind. I'll just pack and be one my way.

I visited the space of the soul today.
I wasn't sure if I had somehow lost my way-
I couldn't see sign of destruction or fire.
Infact there was nothing to indicate there was ever anything wrong
All I could find was a mirror on the wall, right where it belonged.

Dreams

2005-02-11T20:45:00.000-05:00

Whisked off to a far away land
Pools of water on which I stand
Zebra balance on the branches of trees
Discussing life with the queen of the honey bees
"Where shall we go?" asked the large purple flower
"Closer to May to avoid April's showers!"
The moon dipped low to sip on the sea
And spit it back out mighty quickly
What did he expect from a sea that is dead?
Next time try the Caspian instead!
Lambs taught school while the fish lay in the pasture
We took the course already! last year!
Rain touched my skin and brought me home.
Awake- no more time for time for my mind to roam.

For Sharon

2005-02-11T20:42:00.000-05:00

You'd never know the strength I see in you
Knowing what life has already put you through
A smile remains on your face
Despite a wounded heart with an empty space
I'm inspired to do the best in all I do
Because of the strength I see in you.

Blown by the Wind

2005-02-11T20:34:00.000-05:00

Where the wind blows my heart will follow,
It's next destination is presently unknown.
All I am sure of is that nothing is for certain
I only hope the next love is a kind loving person.

I have a lot to give, but will it be received
When looks are all that matter, despite that they deceive?
Value should be measured by the expanse of one's heart
Not by how much money I am willing to part

He who sees me for what I want to give
is who I want to be with till the end
Is it too much to ask?
May I give some direction to the wind?

still beautiful to me

2005-02-09T15:15:00.000-05:00

another night out, nothing special at all
I was with a few friends just looking for fun
we randomly selected the local bar
that's where I first saw you, standing afar

nothing special, but nothing plain
you were one of the few that lingered late that night
when it was time for me to leave the place
I couldn't recall your name, but I remembered your face

a friendship grew, and gradually in my eyes, so did you
where my first impressions left me indifferently
my heart began to see you beautifully
and from that day forth I could see
just how beautiful you were to me

I stood next to you proud, in my eyes-
the most handsome one in the crowd
so forward I went using less caution
loving the one with all i could offer

time was kind, you grew in my eyes
all I wanted was to remain your first prize
when did you quit seeing the beauty in me?
funny, you still remained beautiful to me

Blinded now by glitter, youth and flash
superficial people that aren't built to last
when all I asked was to be a priority
it seemed any new face gained instant seniority

I can only watch as you slowly move on
seeing you seek out others, my attention gone
how cruel is the fate that cuts deeply
when i still see the beauty you once were to me

Haunted by the person you used to be
still beautiful to me

Elements at Work

2005-02-01T00:15:00.000-05:00

What seems to get lost in all of this mess
Is the love that's buried down deep in my chest.

Dirt just keeps piling on-
Diverting our focus from the true issues of what has gone wrong.
I work so hard to sweep the slate clean,
But a "question-filled" man is how often I am seen.

The fires that you see on the outside
Are not reflective of the turmoil on the inside.
Inside I melt and turn to water.
My tears may be your best indication
That despite my demeanor what I want is our salvation.

I gasp and struggle to take another breath
For fear what I expel may be the last air of "us" that is left.

So I fight the elements that surround my heart
Protecting a love before it totally falls apart.
Knowing underneath there is much to recover
Hoping the elements won't negate what we still can discover.

Letting Go

2005-01-27T23:07:00.000-05:00

Love is leaving,
love is fleeing,
love is letting go.

The older I get
the more I grow,
I fear the workings of love I'll never know.

Like a ship on the sea
at the whim of the currents-
love is something that comes with little insurance.

Here today, unsure tomorrow-
gone by next week.
It acts randomly,
yet love is still what we seek.

I held on tight,
with too much might.
I feel it heading towards the door;
I will not fight it any more.
Now my love is letting go.

thoughts

2005-01-27T14:01:00.000-05:00

my mental hopscotch leaves me confused and bruised,
emotionally frazzled by my very own thoughts.
how do I escape to those far off lands;
the places that will leave me in a state of grace-
far removed from this morose space?

My heart tends to wander to the places of pain
why won't it take flight to the Elysian Fields-
where the ghost of our past gently help us to heal?
why do we linger in the domain of strife
when what we want most is to achieve happiness in life?

Leap Day

2005-01-27T10:55:00.000-05:00

Alone and missing you
questioninf what I should do
why can't we make this the next day
February 14th just gets in the way.

Broken and feeling blue
what really matters with "i love you's?"
can't we agree to banish that day
There'd be one less pain left to ease away.

clock of the heart

2005-01-24T01:47:00.000-05:00

the clock of the heart keeps a time of its own,
it's hands are not bound by senses or rhyme.

it's pendulum lacks any sense of tempo
will it move fast or will it move slow?
that's a question no one really knows.

time is said to be relative, but to whom?
while in love time flies,
yet in heartache it crawls
as your mind and emotions bounce of the walls.

so I sit and I ponder and strike for a deal
while slowly my heart attempts to heal.
could time just skip to June?
and not a moment too soon!

the wonder of love

2005-01-20T02:33:00.000-05:00

the wonder of love grants the patience to wait
permitting the chance to articulate
can you figure things out
and remove any doubt
don't take too long, for time never waits

clock hands move fast- days turn to weeks
have you found the answers you seek?
are you doing what it takes
to heal before it breaks
help me to understand and turn the other cheek

meltdown #5

2005-01-20T02:23:00.000-05:00

tears, tears, everywhere tears
fears, fears, drowning in fears
sweating profusely
stomach in knots
quivering, shivering, quaking
frayed nerves, shaking.

wait

then it's gone
the heart grows strong
hope reignites
sleep comes tonight

keepsake

2005-01-20T02:18:00.000-05:00

the letter read
and read
and re-read.

the corner edges
in tatters
in shreads.

words inside
the folded note.

only remind
what's behind.

memento of
words
no longer spoken.

on paper
faded
tucked away.

to be
re-read
on another day.

18 minutes

2005-01-19T23:13:00.000-05:00

alone in the dark a grown man cries,
health, security, piece of mind denied
forever altered by what his doctor had to say
from now life will be measured by PSA's

18 by 30 is what is required
to keep PSA from going any higher
18 minutes daily is what has been asked
18 minutes for machines to preform their task

by giving so much promise him this
at the end of 30 it'll no longer exist
take the pain to some other town
this will not slow this great man down

Social Life

2005-01-18T21:21:00.000-05:00

We place ourselves at others whims
doing whatever it takes to fit in.
dare stand your ground, or say it too loud
suddenly you have become disavowed.

when those who were close seem not to care:
you're no longer important, you're no longer there.
when did honesty become a bad fit?
is my popularity counted by the number of invites I get?

do i permit my ego to take a blow,
by those i barely know,
if an invitation to their party never shows?

do i sell myself out for social obligations
simply to be part of some random celebration?

can i hold my head high for failing to waiver
even if now i seem out of favor?

or am i too quick to judge those i miss?
though their actions betrayed me like Judas' kiss.

a day in the life of the sun

2005-01-18T00:13:00.000-05:00

the calm of the morning is disrupted by light
the rays of the sun give day a new life.
a stranger approaches, uncertainty is clear
rejection so early is his greatest fear
timidly offering his hand to another
does the dawn of this day promise a new lover?

the chariot continues it's heavenly course
spilling warmth and love from its radiant source.
comfort grows between the two who met
a thawing of formalities; no doubts or regrets
the excitement of new romance is perfectly clear
a high noon sun draws ever near.

blazing hot heat scorches the land
as the mercury rises something gets out of hand.
small, little questions sneak into the mind
but answers, between the two, are hard to find
familiarity has now settled at home
one works late, the other eats alone.

due west the horizon is in sight
the sun begins to give way to the night.
the fun and happiness that once was around
no longer seems so easily found
more of his annoying idiosynchracies
become much easier for the eyes to see.

dusk breezes by and night takes the stand
a whole new world is now at hand.
secrets, deceptions, insecurities- suspicions are raised
when questions about love leave one partner unfazed
no longer right in the place shared together
a belief settles in, "alone i'd be better".

long is the night held fast by the dark
the world will have changed by morning's first mark.
"why did i ever..." echoes through the heart
"...give it the chance, i should have stopped at the start".
another day starts with the break of the dawn
by then, yet another, love will have gone.

and dawn breaks and a new day begins
will I find the strength to do it again?

hoping

2005-01-18T00:09:00.000-05:00

it twists, it twinkles
it sparkles, it shines
it dims, it grows
time after time.

unthinking, unknowing
wise enough not to care
finding a glimmer
when I see nothing there.

it's energy, at times, can make life hard to cope
this damn little notion I cling to called "hope".

Hearts on Separate Paths

2005-01-17T14:09:00.000-05:00

All I wanted to do was love you forever-
I didn’t care about the rest.
You introduced me to a world so full of love
Then suddenly you heart just left.

Hearts running on 2 separate paths,
One moving slow, one burning too fast
Hearts that were once intertwined
Now begin to cut and bind.

You worked so hard to capture me-
You gave me the belief that we could last.
So why is it now that you’re setting me free?
How is it I am the one clinging to the past?

Our hearts are going on two separate paths
Our shared world is now cut in half.
Hearts that quickened with a glance
Now are quitting; love left to chance.

We separate, you go your way and I go mine,
We plan to make sure we don’t meet.
Maybe we will connect again, sometime-
But I don’t see how when our hearts now walk on different streets.

Coming Home

2005-01-15T21:28:00.000-05:00

I’ve been too far gone from where I belong,
It’s time for me to head on home.
I had grown accustom to this small town
I need to reclaim my old space.

Entering your world I gave up my home.
Boxes of stuff and picture now sit in my trunk
I’ve set emotions aside to finish this ritual
Gradually these valuables will seem like junk
Discarded, packed away, no feelings at all.

I’m coming back to the home I vacated
I left it to become a part of your world.
Maybe that is why we didn’t stay together
Did I give too much? If not, would we have been better?

If the world we shared were ours and not yours
Forgetting my home, putting it last
Would all of this have come to pass?
Would we now being opening rather than shutting doors?

I’m leaving the small town that felt like a home,
Focused on the road ahead, and not looking back
No more reflecting; leaving those memories intact.
It’s time to get back to where I belong.

Ode to a Cowboy

2005-01-15T19:46:00.000-05:00

Whether in the city or country, you wear your hat proud,
A strikingly handsome man who stands out in any crowd!

Full of passion and drive for the things you love most,
And able to throw fantastic parties as “the” flawless host!

Toiling in the gardens all day and night,
Your dedication, and love, for landscaping is visible when the yard looks “just right!”

Your energy abounds, untethered, like the wind,
You can dance till dawn, and then do it again!

The touch of your hand can flutter my heart,
Your kindness and generosity have always set you apart.

Your humor and smile I so adore,
You came into my life, sweeping my feet off the floor.

You bring light and laughter to a diverse crowd,
Your friendship is something I wear quite proud!

Now it’s your day, may the partying commence
I wish for you tons of great presents!

On your birthday I wish you much joy,
This is my ode to you, my “Georgia” cowboy!

Something

2005-01-15T19:45:00.000-05:00

I don’t know the how, or why’s; it just fell in my lap as a big surprise.
From out of the blue I was knocked off course by something in your head, a nagging little voice.
Something’s not right is all you could say, and from that moment on our love’s begun to fade.
If it were something I was, or something I did, I could learn and adjust to help move us ahead.
Instead I am challenged to understand the unknown; trying to accept these feelings of being all alone.

This feels so strange because you never let it show,
Why was my heart the last to know?
I’ll learn to put my emotions in place
When I see our friends I can wear a brave face
I just don’t know how I’ll ever see you,
Because I never saw our relationship through your point of view.

I keep checking in, holding on fast
Holding on to times that occurred in the past.
Was I the only one who was having fun?
When had the unbecoming of “us” begun?
It hurts to hear “there’s just something there”
Would you give me some answers, can you point out where?
To hear “I don’t know, I’m just not sure”
Makes me question if anything about us was pure.

We once danced and shared our desires
Now I just see the ashes of a smoldering fire.
Did we burn too bright and too fast?
Did we use up all the passion that should have made us last?
Did we take for granted all that we shared
God how I hate questioning if you cared!

There’s just “something” is all you can say
I never thought “something” would take it all away.
Ambiguous and vague “something” rings in my ears.
I walk away quickly, holding back the tears.

...and so the winter wind blows

2005-01-14T09:29:00.000-05:00

Chilly morning air invades my sleep,
Stealing me away from the cherished place
Where lovers still find hope and laughs together
And no tearstains mar either’s face…

And so the winter wind blows, cutting to the bone,
Bundling up tight to fight the wind, yet another battle begins
Attempting to stoke the fires of the heart,
That have dwindled to mere embers after lovers part
And so the winter wind blows…

A frigid nature permeates my consciousness today,
Even bundled up tight, coldness touches me.
Numbness envelops, yet I still feel pain,
A shiver passes through at just the mention of your name.

And so the winter winds blows, leaves tumble to the street
A barren wasteland around, and in my heart, it grows
Grey clouds have settled in, there’s no relief in sight,
And so my heart seeks solace
As the winter wind blows.

Pondersome- 2/14/04

2005-01-14T08:59:00.000-05:00

What the heck is love?

It's lifted me up, it's let me down
It's been there at night, yet gone in the morning.
It comes and goes without nary a warning.

I may not be an expert at this,
But I know when it's gone it's sorely missed.
And from friends I've found the greatest power,
Helping me stand tall in my darkest hours.
So on this day of wine and rose
Chocolate, hearts, cards and bouquets-
Let me thank my friends who have kept my loneliness at bay.

If my heart were never to again grow,
atleast from you all, love I have known!
Friends, both near and far, you know who you are!
Thank you all for helping me raise the bar-
on the standards you've help set-
I can only hope, I too, have met.

Happy Valentines!

Love,
Evans