Bob Geldolf takes on Hollywood

This afternoon it was announced that the next famine relief project that Sir Bob Geldolf will lend his support to is none other than the skinny bitches of Hollywood, CA..

Negotiations are in the final stages which, when agreed to, will permit likenesses of Nicole Richie to be used as the mascot for this fundraiser. But, due to contractual and petty differences, no footage from "The Simple Life 4: Ho's on the Highway" that shows Paris Hilton eating or contemplating a meal will be admissable for video clips. Any clip that shows her at the scene of an auto accident (probably caused by Linsey Lohan) will be immediately posted onto the internet, tho.

It's rumored that Bono will be penning the theme song to this charity.

Sadly, neither philanthropist realizes that regardless of their work in Hollywood, they will not be able to be nominated for an Academy Award, no matter how well they make it look like they care about these skinny broads. But, if Mother Theresa could win a Peace Prize for working with the down and out of India, maybe this made for primetime special might be the nudge it takes to get these two musicans a spot on NBC's Thursday night line-up. The special couldn't be worse than "Joey".

This years charity theme is, "do i make you look fat?"

The "I Hate Terrell Owens" Club

Wow, gotta packed (NOT Packer) room here tonight....

Seems like someone must be stepping all over NFL fans last nerve- usually I would have a saved an opening like that for somene like Bill Romanowski, but hey, Bill's so jacked up on whatever anyone will hand him, he's made Whitney Houston seem sober and that just scares the bejesuz out of me, so there's no telling what he might do to me if I get him into a 'roid rage (the other roid rage, that is....not just the flare up kind, but, come to think of it, he is a pain in the ass) so I will not call him names, or spit on him, or try to kill him, or purposefully (Auntie) maim him.

Ooopss, I majored in Digression 201...advanced divergent thinking...back to T.O.

I don't get where any team would want to sign this obstreperous soul...but hey, if that's what floats some owner's boat, so be it, just don't put us fans in the role of playing tug boat when your T.O. escapade turns into the Poseidon Misadventure. He's acted worse the Gilligan and Gopher combined, and yet for some strange reason, there are people out there who think he should captain their teams destiny..."Ahoy there matey....Titanic dead ahead..."

TO gets my vote for the best reenactment for "the Wreck of the Edmunds Fitzgerald"...
that puppy sank and she ain't been brought back up...

The ESP-iNsipid Zone

What form of punishmenet is being placed at the feet of early morning risers?

Fine that not all of you enjoy the "dawn (of the dead) zone" of the day, that time that occurs before the sun has finished hitting the snooze button and has begun to shine. But, for those that do, and need that little nudge of TV to keep us awake on the elliptical machine (it's not pretty what can happen when you fall asleep on one...) ESPN has just gone and decided to make me want to crawl right back into bed and hope the telecast nightmare is over. Who in their right mind wants to watch a "simulated clubhouse meeting"? YAWN!!! Isn't that what C-SPAN is for?
if it were comical, satirical, or downright raunchy, it might be one thing, but to watch faux baseball managers holding faux press meeting...STOOOOOOPID! Why not just have someone reading the rosters of each professional sports league team.... or the menu from the local chinese fast food delivery joint? That would be about as engaging!

I thought the morning time was the time set aside for infomercials. I once hated them, but now seeing the competetion, I am all about The Home Shopping Network if it supplants this crap!

Now I know where the expression, "I want my MTV" came from....

Elections 2005

Given the overwhelming popularity of W. right now, Crystal Gayle will be singing the theme song to election 2005 coverage, "Don't it turn my red states blue". Arnold will be in the choir as he watches his agenda items fall to the wayside and become terminated.