Letting Go

Love is leaving,
love is fleeing,
love is letting go.

The older I get
the more I grow,
I fear the workings of love I'll never know.

Like a ship on the sea
at the whim of the currents-
love is something that comes with little insurance.

Here today, unsure tomorrow-
gone by next week.
It acts randomly,
yet love is still what we seek.

I held on tight,
with too much might.
I feel it heading towards the door;
I will not fight it any more.
Now my love is letting go.

thoughts

my mental hopscotch leaves me confused and bruised,
emotionally frazzled by my very own thoughts.
how do I escape to those far off lands;
the places that will leave me in a state of grace-
far removed from this morose space?

My heart tends to wander to the places of pain
why won't it take flight to the Elysian Fields-
where the ghost of our past gently help us to heal?
why do we linger in the domain of strife
when what we want most is to achieve happiness in life?

Leap Day

Alone and missing you
questioninf what I should do
why can't we make this the next day
February 14th just gets in the way.

Broken and feeling blue
what really matters with "i love you's?"
can't we agree to banish that day
There'd be one less pain left to ease away.

clock of the heart

the clock of the heart keeps a time of its own,
it's hands are not bound by senses or rhyme.

it's pendulum lacks any sense of tempo
will it move fast or will it move slow?
that's a question no one really knows.

time is said to be relative, but to whom?
while in love time flies,
yet in heartache it crawls
as your mind and emotions bounce of the walls.

so I sit and I ponder and strike for a deal
while slowly my heart attempts to heal.
could time just skip to June?
and not a moment too soon!

the wonder of love

the wonder of love grants the patience to wait
permitting the chance to articulate
can you figure things out
and remove any doubt
don't take too long, for time never waits

clock hands move fast- days turn to weeks
have you found the answers you seek?
are you doing what it takes
to heal before it breaks
help me to understand and turn the other cheek

meltdown #5

tears, tears, everywhere tears
fears, fears, drowning in fears
sweating profusely
stomach in knots
quivering, shivering, quaking
frayed nerves, shaking.

wait

then it's gone
the heart grows strong
hope reignites
sleep comes tonight

keepsake

the letter read
and read
and re-read.

the corner edges
in tatters
in shreads.

words inside
the folded note.

only remind
what's behind.

memento of
words
no longer spoken.

on paper
faded
tucked away.

to be
re-read
on another day.

18 minutes

alone in the dark a grown man cries,
health, security, piece of mind denied
forever altered by what his doctor had to say
from now life will be measured by PSA's

18 by 30 is what is required
to keep PSA from going any higher
18 minutes daily is what has been asked
18 minutes for machines to preform their task

by giving so much promise him this
at the end of 30 it'll no longer exist
take the pain to some other town
this will not slow this great man down

Social Life

We place ourselves at others whims
doing whatever it takes to fit in.
dare stand your ground, or say it too loud
suddenly you have become disavowed.

when those who were close seem not to care:
you're no longer important, you're no longer there.
when did honesty become a bad fit?
is my popularity counted by the number of invites I get?

do i permit my ego to take a blow,
by those i barely know,
if an invitation to their party never shows?

do i sell myself out for social obligations
simply to be part of some random celebration?

can i hold my head high for failing to waiver
even if now i seem out of favor?

or am i too quick to judge those i miss?
though their actions betrayed me like Judas' kiss.

a day in the life of the sun

the calm of the morning is disrupted by light
the rays of the sun give day a new life.
a stranger approaches, uncertainty is clear
rejection so early is his greatest fear
timidly offering his hand to another
does the dawn of this day promise a new lover?

the chariot continues it's heavenly course
spilling warmth and love from its radiant source.
comfort grows between the two who met
a thawing of formalities; no doubts or regrets
the excitement of new romance is perfectly clear
a high noon sun draws ever near.

blazing hot heat scorches the land
as the mercury rises something gets out of hand.
small, little questions sneak into the mind
but answers, between the two, are hard to find
familiarity has now settled at home
one works late, the other eats alone.

due west the horizon is in sight
the sun begins to give way to the night.
the fun and happiness that once was around
no longer seems so easily found
more of his annoying idiosynchracies
become much easier for the eyes to see.

dusk breezes by and night takes the stand
a whole new world is now at hand.
secrets, deceptions, insecurities- suspicions are raised
when questions about love leave one partner unfazed
no longer right in the place shared together
a belief settles in, "alone i'd be better".

long is the night held fast by the dark
the world will have changed by morning's first mark.
"why did i ever..." echoes through the heart
"...give it the chance, i should have stopped at the start".
another day starts with the break of the dawn
by then, yet another, love will have gone.

and dawn breaks and a new day begins
will I find the strength to do it again?

hoping

it twists, it twinkles
it sparkles, it shines
it dims, it grows
time after time.

unthinking, unknowing
wise enough not to care
finding a glimmer
when I see nothing there.

it's energy, at times, can make life hard to cope
this damn little notion I cling to called "hope".

Hearts on Separate Paths

All I wanted to do was love you forever-
I didn’t care about the rest.
You introduced me to a world so full of love
Then suddenly you heart just left.

Hearts running on 2 separate paths,
One moving slow, one burning too fast
Hearts that were once intertwined
Now begin to cut and bind.

You worked so hard to capture me-
You gave me the belief that we could last.
So why is it now that you’re setting me free?
How is it I am the one clinging to the past?

Our hearts are going on two separate paths
Our shared world is now cut in half.
Hearts that quickened with a glance
Now are quitting; love left to chance.

We separate, you go your way and I go mine,
We plan to make sure we don’t meet.
Maybe we will connect again, sometime-
But I don’t see how when our hearts now walk on different streets.

Coming Home

I’ve been too far gone from where I belong,
It’s time for me to head on home.
I had grown accustom to this small town
I need to reclaim my old space.

Entering your world I gave up my home.
Boxes of stuff and picture now sit in my trunk
I’ve set emotions aside to finish this ritual
Gradually these valuables will seem like junk
Discarded, packed away, no feelings at all.

I’m coming back to the home I vacated
I left it to become a part of your world.
Maybe that is why we didn’t stay together
Did I give too much? If not, would we have been better?

If the world we shared were ours and not yours
Forgetting my home, putting it last
Would all of this have come to pass?
Would we now being opening rather than shutting doors?

I’m leaving the small town that felt like a home,
Focused on the road ahead, and not looking back
No more reflecting; leaving those memories intact.
It’s time to get back to where I belong.

Ode to a Cowboy

Whether in the city or country, you wear your hat proud,
A strikingly handsome man who stands out in any crowd!

Full of passion and drive for the things you love most,
And able to throw fantastic parties as “the” flawless host!

Toiling in the gardens all day and night,
Your dedication, and love, for landscaping is visible when the yard looks “just right!”

Your energy abounds, untethered, like the wind,
You can dance till dawn, and then do it again!

The touch of your hand can flutter my heart,
Your kindness and generosity have always set you apart.

Your humor and smile I so adore,
You came into my life, sweeping my feet off the floor.

You bring light and laughter to a diverse crowd,
Your friendship is something I wear quite proud!

Now it’s your day, may the partying commence
I wish for you tons of great presents!

On your birthday I wish you much joy,
This is my ode to you, my “Georgia” cowboy!

Something

I don’t know the how, or why’s; it just fell in my lap as a big surprise.
From out of the blue I was knocked off course by something in your head, a nagging little voice.
Something’s not right is all you could say, and from that moment on our love’s begun to fade.
If it were something I was, or something I did, I could learn and adjust to help move us ahead.
Instead I am challenged to understand the unknown; trying to accept these feelings of being all alone.

This feels so strange because you never let it show,
Why was my heart the last to know?
I’ll learn to put my emotions in place
When I see our friends I can wear a brave face
I just don’t know how I’ll ever see you,
Because I never saw our relationship through your point of view.

I keep checking in, holding on fast
Holding on to times that occurred in the past.
Was I the only one who was having fun?
When had the unbecoming of “us” begun?
It hurts to hear “there’s just something there”
Would you give me some answers, can you point out where?
To hear “I don’t know, I’m just not sure”
Makes me question if anything about us was pure.

We once danced and shared our desires
Now I just see the ashes of a smoldering fire.
Did we burn too bright and too fast?
Did we use up all the passion that should have made us last?
Did we take for granted all that we shared
God how I hate questioning if you cared!

There’s just “something” is all you can say
I never thought “something” would take it all away.
Ambiguous and vague “something” rings in my ears.
I walk away quickly, holding back the tears.

...and so the winter wind blows

Chilly morning air invades my sleep,
Stealing me away from the cherished place
Where lovers still find hope and laughs together
And no tearstains mar either’s face…

And so the winter wind blows, cutting to the bone,
Bundling up tight to fight the wind, yet another battle begins
Attempting to stoke the fires of the heart,
That have dwindled to mere embers after lovers part
And so the winter wind blows…

A frigid nature permeates my consciousness today,
Even bundled up tight, coldness touches me.
Numbness envelops, yet I still feel pain,
A shiver passes through at just the mention of your name.

And so the winter winds blows, leaves tumble to the street
A barren wasteland around, and in my heart, it grows
Grey clouds have settled in, there’s no relief in sight,
And so my heart seeks solace
As the winter wind blows.

Pondersome- 2/14/04

What the heck is love?

It's lifted me up, it's let me down
It's been there at night, yet gone in the morning.
It comes and goes without nary a warning.

I may not be an expert at this,
But I know when it's gone it's sorely missed.
And from friends I've found the greatest power,
Helping me stand tall in my darkest hours.
So on this day of wine and rose
Chocolate, hearts, cards and bouquets-
Let me thank my friends who have kept my loneliness at bay.

If my heart were never to again grow,
atleast from you all, love I have known!
Friends, both near and far, you know who you are!
Thank you all for helping me raise the bar-
on the standards you've help set-
I can only hope, I too, have met.

Happy Valentines!

Love,
Evans